


Someone you loved

by Black_Dragon_RDR2



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, M/M, Maybe fluff, Nightmares, Self-Harm, heartbroken, maybe smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Dragon_RDR2/pseuds/Black_Dragon_RDR2
Relationships: Hosea Matthews & Bessie Matthews (earlier), Hosea Matthews/Dutch van der Linde
Kudos: 7





	1. Someone you loved

Hosea is sitting crying on his cot. Even now after many years, he can't forget Bessie. He still love her deep inside him. And the loneliness only make him think of her way to much again. He need somebody too heal and somebody to love. Even though he can and will never forget his beautiful wife. But Dutch isn't himself anymore. He don't care about him anymore. They don't cuddle, kiss or sit with each other anymore to simplyy talk. He remember's the countless times Dutch came into his tent, to simply get his face cupped by Hosea's hands, and lean his head against his boney chest. He can really say that he love Dutch. Even though he still love Bessie verry much deep inside him. 

But everybody knows that he never really let her go, and that he don't want to let her fully go. But that's fine. They were marryed for a really long time. He wish that the rat die and that he get the old Dutch back. He misses his kisses, to smiply cup his cheeks and feel his head against his chest, and his raven hair underneath his chin. He feels lonely. His and Dutch's family falling appart because of Dutch and Micah. He should kill that betraying rat. Another sob leave his mouth. He can't stand it. He don't want his family to die. Specialy not Arthur and Dutch. But he can't do anything about it. Dutch don't listen to him anymore. Right now the rat is in jail. They will hang him in three days. Hosea hopes that Arthur don't get out to get him. But he's sure Dutch order him to get him out. If he won't do it, he's sure Dutch find another one to send out. Another sob leave his mouth. Tears runing freely over his cheeks like a river.

He wish the old days back. Just Dutch, Arthur , John and him. But that days are longe gone. He look down to his hands. There he hold the picture of Bessie and him. He miss her so much. She was such a nice, pretty and smart lady. She didn't deserve to die to such an agressive and incurable illness. Well at least she didn't got shot. But still, Bessie deserved and deserves better. That poor woman was way to kind to let her pay with her life. A tear of him falls onto the glass of the picture. He carefully wipe it away with his shirt sleeve. 

,,No matter what and who you are, I will always love you and stand behind you." Bessie said to him once. 

She did though. Until the sickness killed her. The illness was without symptoms. Until three days before her death. She got really pale and weak. A Doctor came and told them she was ill since three years. He also told them that she had a fifty fifty chance of healing when you find it earlie enough. But sadly they didn't. Hosea still blame himself a bit, that he didn't send her to a doctor for a health checkup. But the Doc also said that healed patients who had that illnes often had to deal with a heavy aftermath. Some of them ended in a wheelchair others lost a part of their body. Others did get sick every two days. So it was probably better for her. Because he's sure she went to heaven and life there without any pain and illnes. But sometimes he wonders what would be today, if she would still be alive. Would he still be in the gang? Would they run away and start a new life? Would he bring her to join the gang? Would he be a while by her and then by the gang? He don't know. And he will never know. Until his time is come and he meet her in heaven. I he ever goes to heaven. He doubt it.

But he hasn't much time left anyway. So he find it out soon enough. Maybe sooner than he want. He carefuly place the picture back on it's place on the wooden box. Then he get up, and walk to Silver Dollar. He tack him. Then he mount him and dissapear. He needs a bit time for his own. He needs to free his mind. He ride towards the heartlands. Silver Dollar's hooves thundering on the ground. The wind blow trough his mane annd tail and trough Hosea's silver hair. He don't know where he's going. He let Silver Dollar the lead mostly. And then his faithful horse get into a trott and stop. Hosea blincks confused. Until he see what's in front of him. The big meadow with the old hut Bessie and he lived in. Ansd as he look to the right, he see Bessies grave. He wasn't here since she died. Mostly because he forgot where this place is after that one year of constant drinking and near death because of it. He searched often, But never found it.

,,My god. Boy you remeberd this place. Thank you." He says amazed to his old boy after he dismounted.

He pet his head and give him a carrot. After that Silver Dollar neigh in agrement. He walk to the grave after he picked a beautiful flower carefully from the ground. He kneel down in front of it. And carefully place the flower on top of it. New tears leave his eyes immideatly.Silver Dollar turn arround to him. 

,,Hey dearest. I miss you so much. I hope you are fine uo there and happy. I hope we see each other in the after life." He sob.

He dosen't really believe in god and that stuff. But he really hopes ther is an after life. And he really hope it is in heaven with Bessie for him. Yes he's an Outlaw and he done and do bad things. But he can't stand the thought that he die and find himself in hell. Unable to see Bess ever again. A sob leave his mouth. His heart is aching. He slowly get up, and walk towars the hut. It looks exactly like when he left. He slowly opens the door and enter it. Silver Dollar watching him with hawk eyes. He feels that his owner dosen't feel well. And that trigger the need in him to protect Hosea. No matter how. Even if he may have to die for it. As long as Hosea's save he can leave this world without feeling bad.


	2. Memorys

He slowly open the old cracking door. Then he step inside. It's dsrk and dusty. He turn arround and get his oil lamp from Silver Dollar's saddlebags. The he walk to the hut agin. He light up the lamp, and step in. A small cough leave his mouth because of the amount of dust. He look arround. Maybe he find somehting from Bessie. Maybe. He open the drawer. He need to pull with all his strenght cause everything is to old and broken. But as he opens the drawer, he found a picture of Bessie and him kissing each other on a big beautiful flower madow 1887. New tears run down his cheeks. His eyes hurt from all the crying. He carefully put the picture in his satchel. Then he close the drawer again, and turn around. 

There he see another drawer. He walk to it, and open it. Tears still run down his face. There he find Bessie's white pearl bracelet. He stole it for her once. He put it in his satchel as well. His heart hurts so much. He miss and still love her. Why she? Why did she have to die? He can't believe and understand it. His beautiful Bessie. Gone. Forever. Right now, he would love if the old Dutch would be by his side. Huging him, comfort him and kiss him. But he's sure that that day's will never come back. A small sob leave his mouth. He close the drawer again, and then he turn arround, to take another look. He see the now verry old cot they shared together, thwe big fireplace, the stove too cook, the table and the sink on one of the two the countertops. And suddenly he got flashbacks of the old days. Where he and him sat on the cot and simpley read books together. He remember how he read books sometimes out loud for her, with her head laying on his chest. 

Or the many times they cooked together at the stove. The countless times where he was out hunting, and preparing the meat next to sink on the countertop, or outside. As he turn arround, and look out the window, he can clearly see how Bessie and him simply sit on the old wooden bench. To cuddle, talking, reading books, enjoy the sunset or sunrise or other things. He see it as clear as it would happen right now.

Young him and his young and beautiful Bessie. He remember the time he proposed to her at her favourite spot. A beautiful meadow on a cliff. Full of daisy's and a beautiful view. He remember it so well, as if it was only yesterday. New tears stream down his face. He also remember the many times Bessie and himt ryed for a kid, but always failed. And that one time she was finally pregnant, only to somehow lose the kid in the fourth month. They were both really sad about it. He can't believe that she's gone. He can't believe that this times are over! All the plans that they made are destroyed! Bessie died 1888 seven months after their wedding. They were a couple since twenty years and only seven months married. He wish he proposed to her earlier. But he was afraid that she would say no. Of course he knew that she love him as much as he her, but still. He accepted her name at the wedding day. That's why he never change his last name again. Even if he would marry again. But that's unlikely. The only one who he would probably marry is Dutch. 

But he set an x on it. Cause he's sure he will never get the old Dutch back. That's even more pain ripping at his already verry broken heart. He loves Dutch so much, even though he still love Bessie, and a piece of his heart will always belong to her. But it's still enough love, that Dutch's behaviour only destroy his heart further.


End file.
